Book Review: Raising your Spirited Child

The day you realize that you are going to be a parent your life changes forever in that instant. That’s not an overreaction, but an honest to God statement, and for any parent out there reading this, you know that it is the truth. In the nine months leading up to your bundle of joys arrival a million thoughts travel through your mind about how you will raise this child, whether there is a partner involved or not. Within those millions of thoughts there are always scenarios that you never knew existed, but eventually after your little one arrives they grow, and get bigger; those “other” thoughts come into play, and this is where this book comes in.

I give it Four Stars!

This book was suggested with great love to me by my old boss Bruce. He has always been there for me through thick and thin. He’s the kind of guy that you want to have your back in a pinch. I’ve been in plenty of pinches in our time, and he’s a great mentor for helping me figure out ways to work around the issues that I face, and sometimes get into of my own volition! I’m one of “those” people. I’m not afraid to take calculated risks, and it shows. I live life to the fullest, and believe in the motto, “Go big or Go home!”

So I have three amazingly different and wonderful little girls that I share my life with along with my husband. My mother-in-law has assured me that my husband, when he was a boy, was a pretty good kid! I’ve heard my husband say to me on several occasions, “WHAT THE HELL?! I don’t remember being this *insert adjective*! Obviously they get this from you!” At that point I shake my head because I know that I was one of “those” kids. I was the loner, the hard to figure out, the introverted kid with not a lot of friends, I was bullied, and didn’t fit in. My parents struggled, as a lot of parents do with their children, with my sister and I because we were just different.  We were overly stubborn, we were whiny and loud, we were disruptive and argumentative. I never seemed to stop, was aggressive in my interactions, and got bored easily. I was a peach I assure you! My dad being the oldest of eleven children didn’t really seem fazed by our behavior most days.  If he was, he hid it well…my mother, I can remember, was at her wits end with me a lot of the time.  This is where I apologize to my mother for like the hundredth time….”Sorry Mom!”

I grew up hearing, “When you grow up MAY you have one JUST.LIKE.YOU!” *Insert Pointing Gesture* It’s your traditional parental curse that I got used to hearing. My mother laughs and apologizes for laughing at me when I tell her stories about what Roo did, or what Soph has done, or how Little Miss C has behaved. She laughs like a mother who’s been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt.  She reminds me how I was not so different at that age. How she wishes my sister and I would have come with an instruction booklet. I have memories of my mother crying over our behavior, especially my own.  I’m quite sure that there will come a day when I too will go thru such teenage angst as my mother did with my own daughters.

It was on one of those “I’m ready to pull my hair out! What the HELL is wrong with *insert child’s name*” incidents that I was sharing with Bruce when he let me in on his secret weapon.  This secret weapon is something that all parents of “Spirited” children should read, own, for God’s sake at least take some of the suggestions, and insert them into their parenting strategies!  I won’t tell you that I haven’t raised my eyebrow to some of these suggestions she gives you on how to deal with your “Spirited” child, but you know what…it’s better than trying to wing this whole parenting gig. You know what I’m talking about; we ALL wing it at some point in time. Knowledge is power people!

So I bought this book, and it sat on my desk staring at me for about five months. I was really not looking forward to a book telling me how bad my parenting strategies were. If there is one thing I know about myself is that I’m fully aware of what I’m good at, and on the flip side I’m FULLY aware of what I’m NOT good at. It’s the “what I’m NOT good at,” that I really want to be honestly stellar at, that scares the crap out of me; like being a good parent who doesn’t lose it when faced with a meltdown. Before I started reading this book I truly thought I was defective, and that my darling sweet crazy children might just have inherited that gene as well.  Inside this book there is a quiz that you can take to see just where you are on the parenting scale, it’s a scale of where your temperament as a parent falls; it helps you understand your spirit. It also gives you a quiz that you take with your child in mind to help you understand his or her temperament, and where they fall on the “Spirited” scale. It also has a whole chapter on Matches and Mismatches in your temperaments, it has suggestions on how to better understand your child, and understand yourself as a parent. It also talks about how personality differences don’t have to be the end all to be all to your dysfunction as parent and child.  

I took the quizzes and found out that I have one Spunky child on the cusp of being Spirited, and two Spirited children. There was no two ways about it. I also took the test and found that I am indeed a Spunky parent on the cusp of being “Spirited” myself. Anyone who knows me well enough knows that shouldn’t have surprised me in the least. There is no way in our household mix that there is one Low-Key personality amongst us! I haven’t had Mitch take it, but I’m thinking I should. He can get spirited too at times, but we all have our hot buttons and somehow our wonderful children that we bring into the world, and love unconditionally, can find it with little to no effort!

Within the pages of this book I have found a lot of good, sometimes great suggestions. In other sections I read suggestions, and thought, “You’ve got to be freakin’ kidding me!? WHAT?! REALLY?!?!?!?!”  For me, personally, there is a lot more of the good and sometimes great suggestions that make this a good read. I have taken, and used some of this advice to the betterment of our situation at our house. It helps me get into the mind of my children, who some days have a really hard time putting their feelings, and situations into words. It gave me another point of view of a situation that could have gone sideways very quickly. It’s brought down the number of instances where arguments that I thought we were going to have never happened because of the way I worded my request. Who knew!? I’ve even had several, “HOLY CRAP! That actually WORKED!” moments.

This book might be on your reading list, or if you are a Special Ed teacher, it was probably in your list of books you had to read for class. Either way, if you are feeling weary as a parent, this might just be a life saver for you too. I was one of “those” kids, and now I’m raising some of “those” kids. Parenting is not for the weak! Please take this book review for what it is, just a suggestion if you need help and feel frustrated with your littles. Parents these days need to stick together, and do a better job of not tearing each other down on their parenting strategies. We struggle to find our way as parents as much as our children do trying to find their way through the world. Compassion for the struggles of others is a must, and if you need compassion in a book I’m here to tell you that I’ve found it.

Thank you to Mary Sheedy Kurcinka for helping me feel like less of a schmuck in the parenting department; much appreciation in knowing that I’m not alone in the fight to raise good children. Many thanks to Bruce for showing me that I’m not alone, and it just wasn’t me, other parents need help too!