Those tiny little moments

There once was a mother who felt like she was constantly meeting herself coming and going. She felt that there was no room in her life to start anything new, because if she did she would have to give something up, but what? She felt overwhelmed, and scared, and at her wits end. She desperately needed "something," but didn't really know what that "something" was or should be.

That was the old me. That was the old me that couldn't seem to catch her breath, the one that was always moving, always HAD to be moving, the one that fell into bed at night exhausted, but didn't sleep well because her mind believed that it was time to think. It was time to think all of those thoughts that she couldn't think durning the day because she was too busy juggling 11 angry wet cats, while trying to balance on a hippo standing on a ball. I bet you've got an awesome imagine rocking in your mind right now as to what that might look like…that was the old me.

Let's fast forward a bit, lets slow down, take a breath, annnnddddd take another breath, lets sit here together for a minute. Are you breathing? Good. Now lets talk about now. Lets talk about finding that ONE space that is truly your own. That space in your mind, in your house, in your space where you feel safe, you feel relaxed, where you can take a couple of breaths to yourself, and slow down. That's the space I am in right now. Life is not easier per say, but less complicated. Life is so much better. Life is FULLER! Food tastes better, air smells cleaner, colors are more vibrant. What changed? Me. I was forced to slow down. I was forced to change; change the way I saw the world, change the way I felt about myself, forced to reevaluate my situation. 

What ended up happening was that my goals, and needs changed. Not overnight, nothing rarely happens overnight. But a slow progression into a new life, a new way of thinking; like having to be upgraded to a new operating system. The current systems back then were on overload. Everyone knew it, but it was my everyday life, and I didn't realize it was as bad as it was because when you are IN the forest, sometimes it's hard to see a cleaning through the trees. 

The one thing that people say when you are in that state of confusion, or that state of living in hyperdrive, when you can't seem to get off the train is, "You need to let some things go." Really, ya think?! You hear that ALL THE TIME, but rarely does someone actually tell you how to let something go. Granted, I get it that everyone is different. Everyone is a special little snowflake, and there is no handbook written on right way to show someone how to let something go. They have to wanna do it. They have to wanna let go. But what if they are so wound tight in their own little world that they don't even know where to start? That was me…so many ways to go, which one was the right way? People over think, and it's all those little over thinking thoughts that seem to trip you up every time. 

So I used to read this blog a long time ago called Marcandangel. To say I like them a lot is an understatement. This post in particular:

8-effective-ways-to-let-go-and-move-on

It was something I had read, kinda half assed processed, and moved on. Remember I was busy with the wet cats, and the hippo. I didn't think much about it until now. In this post they actually give examples on how you can learn to let go, and move on. Granted, they aren't going to come into your house, hold your hand, and walk you through your process, but they give examples on what you can do! That's better than telling someone, "You need to let it go." You have to do the actual work, but it's a step in the right direction if you are looking for one. In the end the only thing that stands in the way of changing yourself is you. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. 

So back to those tiny little moments…it was when I forced myself to change, to take stock in my present surroundings, just being in the present, that I began to see something I'd not noticed much before. Granted, I'd catch a small glimpse every now and then, a tiny connection in my running around like a bat out of hell, but this was bigger, this was profound, this was life altering, and I wanted MORE. I was starting to experience those tiny little moments that change peoples lives forever. 

Those tiny moments when Soph's in the tub, and it's just her and I in the bathroom. When I help her out of the tub, wrap her in a towel, and there is a beloved stillness to that moment. She's not running around like a wild child. She's present with me in that moment. There is so much love in her that it makes me spill over with gratitude that she's my daughter. Those tiny moments get me through the hard times when the girls are running around screaming, beating each other with foam swords. Yes, that happens, sometimes a lot. I might have girls, but sometimes I think they are just boys in disguise! 

Or little moments with Roo where she climbs up on the couch next to me, and she just wants to sit next to me; be in my space. When I can put my arm around her, cuddle her, and just be in the moment with her. I know that before I know it she won't want to be in my space, she will want to be anywhere else but next to me. I hold on to those moments like they are made of gold. Time passes to quickly for the ones that don't slow down, and take a moment to process those tiny little moments.

Or with Claire, God I have so many with Claire it's amazing! She is such a loving child.

I don't want to regret anything in life, especially that I didn't take the time to be in the moment. To share these tiny little gloriously awesome moments with my girls, my husband, my tribe mates, my friends, my neighbors, or complete strangers. 

So please, learn from my mistakes of being a past life "always have to be doing something" junkie!

Take the time to have those tiny little moments; your heart has been waiting for them.

The funny thing is, with them it's addicting, you have one, and you'll want to have more. These little moments are amazingly awesome, and I'm pretty sure these are the moments we will hold most precious when we get older.

Here's to the tiny little moments! May you have plenty to keep you warm in your old age!